I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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