i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Rumble strips road head = magical
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
