He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
