OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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