okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize