Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
where am i from again
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
