I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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