Texts From Last Night

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  (646): View more from New York

  party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.

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  (646): party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record. http://tfl.nu/hgn7
  Replies (2) Good night (3958) Bad night (476)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.

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  (815): Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic. http://tfl.nu/2mbo
  Replies (4) Good night (3036) Bad night (625)
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  (310): View more from California

  I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.

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  (310): I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen. http://tfl.nu/puzs
  Replies (27) Good night (995) Bad night (11126)
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  (716): View more from New York

  a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz

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  (716): a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz http://tfl.nu/ffgi
  Replies (39) Good night (7796) Bad night (790)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense

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  (703): I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense http://tfl.nu/aaqg
  Replies (20) Good night (8015) Bad night (914)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.

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  (717): I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this. http://tfl.nu/8qff
  Replies (6) Good night (4957) Bad night (935)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"

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  (734): What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?" http://tfl.nu/tcpf
  Replies (26) Good night (3281) Bad night (1243)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.

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  (918): It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin. http://tfl.nu/vso7
  Replies (13) Good night (3633) Bad night (938)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me

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  (978): There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me http://tfl.nu/i0wj
  Replies (8) Good night (2764) Bad night (769)
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  (648): View more from

  Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.

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  (648): Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me. http://tfl.nu/1al0
  Replies (5) Good night (1248) Bad night (533)
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  (718): View more from New York

  He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?

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  (718): He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible? http://tfl.nu/fv2h
  Replies (3) Good night (755) Bad night (383)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?

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  (404): Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint? http://tfl.nu/u2ry
  Replies (4) Good night (1086) Bad night (328)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.

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  (847): I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low. http://tfl.nu/gpfm
  Replies (2) Good night (589) Bad night (831)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"

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  (403): I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath" http://tfl.nu/0s5r
  Replies (3) Good night (668) Bad night (260)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?

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  (508): Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"? http://tfl.nu/vwsz
  Replies (2) Good night (324) Bad night (144)

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