did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
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There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
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I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
third nipple confirmed
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?