I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?