What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
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You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt