So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
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Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
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Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.