EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Let's get the cat blown out
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
