The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
