Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
