She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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