The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
