take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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