i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
