AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
