This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
