I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
