A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
