Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize