Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
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