i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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