my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
