dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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