I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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