Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Will exercising make me less horny?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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