butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
We're like a lot better than the average bears
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
