I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
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