i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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