Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
