Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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