Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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