Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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