Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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