I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Randomize
