Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
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He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
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Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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