But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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