Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
