But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
