you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
