Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Randomize
