So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
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Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
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Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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