too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
