I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
