are you still at the devil's house?
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
We need to get me chipped asap
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
