walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
