please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
