New low: just hacked my moms facebook
and you said cock pushups were impossible
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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