you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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