Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
