I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
