so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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