Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
