I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
