The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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