i need an iv and a liver transplant
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
