I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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