come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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