I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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