He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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