Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
