I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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