You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
All the doctor said was why
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
