I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
