so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
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