Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize