some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
