I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
