Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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