Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
