so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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