this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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