My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
