Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
