I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
