Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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