I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
